A few months ago I was catching up with a cousin of mine that I hadn't spoken with in at least of year. At some point in our conversation, he cut me off and asked me, "are you happy?" I'm thinking to myself, what kinda question is that? And what the hell kinda vibe am I giving off that he thinks I might not be happy? But I couldn't really answer his question. Truth is I was as puzzled. "I'm trying to be." I replied after what seemed like moments of silence. At this point in my life there were/are multiple reasons for not being at happy. Everything from career woes, invisible dollars, to cramped quarters, to my relationship rigmarole, and everything in between. After being stumped by my own reply, I wished he'd given me a solution to my dilemma, but he didn't.

One of my favorite books of all time is In the Spirit, by Susan Taylor. I love this book, and read and know it like most people know The Bible. The first time I read it, the words seemed to speak truth to me. She has this passage in it that's so powerful, I memorized it the first time I read it! It goes, "We can't experience the love that we crave when we are angry or holding grudges. Bitterness blocks love's flow. And eats away at the host. A thought that helps me not to be resentful of anyone who hurts or disrespects me is that people can only be who they are. Expecting them to be who we want them to be, or to operate beyond their level of understanding and development, is an exercise in frustration for us and is unfair to them. We'd best accept folks as they are, or let them grow on without us."(p.13) I try daily to remember and practice that.

All of this ties together, believe me. Trying to get happy, and my non-negotiables for dating. The one thing I know is that you can't expect another person to bring you happiness (you've got to already be at that point by yourself). I also know that failing to follow my own prescription for healthy and happy dating life will (as it should) result in disaster. The bottom line is you can't get what you want if you don't know what it is. At this point I'm not sure what "it" (happiness) should look like for me.

So in an attempt to "get right" I've picked up my personal life road map, and I'm back on the journey towards happiness! Or at least trying to be! I've definitely realized that happiness can't be found at the end of some long process or trial. Happiness must be found in all the stumbles along the way. I've also realized that unlike India Arie, maybe I'm not "Ready for Love."

Until.