There's this great movie that came out around 1992 called Singles, about a bunch of single people who live in this apartment complex in Seattle. Bridget Fonda (who is so underrated, and rarely seen by the way) plays this woman in love with this grunge guy who really could care less. She gets into this "relationship" with him, that’s clearly not meant to last. It’s all about him the whole time and she's just trying to find ways to convince him that he should love her back, or trick him into showing he cares. He isn't intentionally callous, but he is because he can be. Her one wish (which would indicate that he's not selfish and that he loves her) is that he would tell her “bless you” after she sneezes. Throughout their relationship, of course he never does. In the end, just as she's completely over him, and he's seen what a great effin catch she was, they're randomly on an elevator and she sneezes and he says, "bless you." Well she’s kinda caught off guard but after she realizes that he said “bless you,” she jumps in his arms and kisses him.

We all have personal indicators or tests that we use to gauge the potential or intentions of our new suitors. The sneeze was hers. Well I’ve got a few indicators that I use as well. I’ve also got some life rules that I live by, which take my indicators to another level. One recent suitor has reached the end of the line at the intersection of one of my indicators and personal life rules. Anyway, twice I invited this guy to meet me for a meal (once lunch, and the other dinner). Side note, the meal invitation was not easy for me at all. I have a rule that I don’t eat with people I don’t like. I don’t eat with anyone—man, woman or child that I don’t like (it defeats the purpose of eating). Unfortunately, u aren’t always able to predict the outcome of a meal. Sometimes, half way through conversation and a meal, some people can become very unattractive and move themselves to the NO EAT WITH list. I try my best to identify those potential folks before the meal (they only get invites for tea or coffee), but a few do get by. As soon as they move to that list, I automatically become “full, and can eat or drink no more.”

Anyway, I digress, back to me inviting “the guy” for the meal—TWICE! Each time he said that was a great idea but he just wasn’t that hungry at the time. But he said he was up for hanging out at my crib though. (Yea, right!) Whatever!! Let me get this straight. You’re not interested in sharing a meal with me but you want to come over to my home and kick it? I don’t think so. Strike ONE! I have an indicator that I use to weed folks out with, if I mention that I’m sick or not feeling well and you must show at least an ounce of concern—by asking if you can do anything, or bring me anything, or just calling to check up on me. If you don’t, that’s a clear indicator to me that you really aren’t concerned about me or my welfare at all.

Scene two, “the guy” calls and mentions that he wants to come and see me, and then asks what I’m doing. I reply that I’m in bed with the flu. He then replies, “Oh. Then I’ll talk to you later.” He then hangs up. As if this wasn’t indication enough of his intentions, 5 days later he calls (still in the midst of my flu). “Hey. I wanna see you. I wanna spend some time with you. But I’m tired tonight; I just picked my cousin up from the airport. What are you up to?” I must remind you that all of that was after I said, “hello?” That’s it. My reply, “In bed with the flu.” “Still?” “Yep,” my response. “Alright then. I’ll talk to you later.” And then he hangs up. Do you believe that? Well, needless to say, that was strike #2, and he’s out! There are only two balls in my game.

This whole situation reminds me of the episode of SATC when Samantha has a party at her new place and tells the girls that they have it all, great friends, good jobs, and plenty of sex! She really believed this to be true until she gets a horrible case of the flu (is there really any other kind though) and she can’t even pay a man to come and take care of her. After Carrie finally arrives, well into the insanity that only the flu can bring, she breaks down in tears, at the realization that “having it all” means nothing when there’s nobody there when you need them.

I had a Samantha moment this week.

Until.